BBC Sherlock Review


I just finished Sherlock over the past few days and oh my goodness, it is, truly a masterpiece. This is a show that made television history, took London by storm, and has a huge and patient fanbase that waited for years and years just for Season 4. I myself watched Season 1 when I was really young, like maybe when I was seventeen years old, and stopped there. Yet, it remained at the back of my mind and I never really forgot about it. Something that captured me as a young audience, though I do not quite know how to read between the lines and analyze the complicated crimes, was Sherlock’s deductions. That was the thing that kept me captivated and drew me back in again as a fan 4 years later.

I’m 21 now, and amazingly enough, started Sherlock Season 2 just after my 21st birthday. Having left for such a long time, it did not feel hard to come back at all, but this time taking on a storyline with a more mature perspective, I begin to see what a complex character Sherlock was and the different layers and layers of personality Benedict Cumberbatch injected upon this character in order to bring it to life.

Perhaps the overriding theme that I found most attractive was Sherlock’s character development, his humanness, we can see how much the character has grown since Season 1 and I am so proud of him. We can see how he might react differently to the same things. One of the most touching scenes was when Sherlock said, “Taking your own life…interesting expression. Taking it from who? Once it’s over, it’s not you who will miss it. Your own death is something that happens to everybody else. Your life is not your own, keep your hands off it.” and then you realise he said that because he saw how his beloved John grieved over Mary’s death, and then you realise this is an example of how pain changes people. The writers did not just add that line in to show Sherlock’s compassion in saving the suicidal woman, but it shows Sherlock’s empathy and his lessons learned from pain.

Many people watched Season 4 and said it was absolute shit, disappointing, whatever. Due to the bad reviews, many fans avoided Season 4 fearing that it might spoil the whole show for them. Many are satisfied with the ending in Season 3. I highly doubt there’ll be a fifth season, so I’m going to talk as if Season 4 is the last one. I loved Season 4, even though it does not queerbait as much. It does not ship #JohnLock as much, and yes, the friendship between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson is so ruined it is almost painful for me to watch. But Season 4 made me realise it is Sherlock who has fallen so deeply in love for John, maybe even more than he himself realises. More than what John realises. He blames himself for Mary’s death, stating “she gave my life a value, a currency which I do not know how to spend.” and that part just broke me. Sherlock is SO HUMAN in Season 4, a side of him the audience yearns to see for so long. Therefore, I personally liked Season 4 and I think it is worth watching.

Let’s talk about queerbaiting. Some people might see John and Sherlock as strictly platonic, but I do really think Sherlock has feelings for John, although I’m not sure if it is reciprocated. BBC Sherlock is full of gay subtext. It hints at Johnlock strongly. In Season 4, those feelings that Sherlock has kept buried inside him for so long, finally resurfaced when it is tested to its limits.

Season 3 is like the end of an era because John got married. Sherlock’s back, but things changed after 2 years. Season 3 &4’s visual effects and camera technique is so good. It is literally a work of art and visual feast for the eyes. I’ve seen the behind the scenes and production for it and it is so awesome!!

Word of warning though: Season 4 has also hurt me in so many levels. It practically haunts its viewer, episode after episode, with dark themes and very traumatic things happening to Sherlock. You’ll feel very sorry for him. Watching S4 hits me with a wave of nostalgia for S1 & 2. The light-heartedness of crime-solving in S1 & 2 seems like a very long, long, time ago; in a far, far away place…almost like visiting an old home. Watching Sherlock in Season 4, for me, was like looking through a mirror.

“It’s not a pleasant thought, John, but I have this terrible feeling from time to time that we might all just be human.”

I think precisely why I can relate to it is because I realized I’m a lot like Sherlock. Sherlock was an emotional child, with his dog Redbeard and everything, and then he loses a sense of what really happened to him, cos adult Sherlock later finds out that his dog doesn’t exist at all. It is a perfect example of burying one’s emotions until you are emotionless, and the things we have learned to keep quiet about have seemed to fade over time. Being quiet and reserved when I want to be, and I don’t deny that I like that side of me. Even better, I have managed to build up a bubbly and outgoing facade that makes everyone who meets me almost positively sure that I am an extrovert. I talk a lot, I tell everyone ‘everything’ about myself, but no one believes that ‘everything’ is only the tip of an iceberg, because ‘everything’ seems so much. Sometimes we don’t necessarily open up to people because we are not sure how mature they are, or how much they can empathize, or if our pain would ruin them.

In the final episode, Sherlock had to dig into his past ghosts and fears and we suddenly realize Sherlock’s got all these layers and layers of emotional context buried underneath him for all these years. They were so quiet, we were almost positive it didn’t exist. I was taken by surprise as I realized that the strongest aspects of Sherlock is not his brain, but his heart. He labels himself as a sociopath, thinks like a machine, is a heartless, apathetic character but Season 4’s character growth and revelations tell us that he’s actually more human than anyone else.

The loneliest people are the kindest, the saddest people smile the brightest, and the most damaged people are the wisest.




The imitation game

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I honestly love this film so much after watching it, and it’s not even because this is my favorite era to live in. Besides the era, it’s also one of my favourite genres—war. Well, these are just one of the bonus reasons!


I can’t believe I took so long just to watch The Imitation Game. I was made aware of the existence of this film in 2015, yet only came to watch it this year. I remembered it was nominated for numerous Oscars, and Benedict Cumberbatch too, who plays Alan Turing.


Yet another wildly arrogant, highly intellectual character who isn’t fit for human company. A particular detective, a surgeon…this time a mathematician. Oh, Benedict…

And also. This character doesn’t eat too!!! Always so engrossed in his work hahha. Sherlock doesn’t eat as well. And why is that these characters he plays always have trouble communicating with others?!?!?! ALL of these characters are narcissistic too. The similar pattern in the characters are so amusing

Oh and this is also my first Keira Knightly film!
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I think I was too busy noticing the differences between Alan Turing and Sherlock (both characters which Benedict played) throughout the film! But I can see why my friends love this film though. It’s suspenseful, but knowing that it’s a true story also breaks me a little, because of the lack of recognition Alan received. Breaking Enigma was his heart and soul, yet sadly, he’s one of the heroes that didn’t live to see his own glory. I would die really if I were put in his shoes, imagine pouring your heart and soul into a project that is only meant to be kept secret in the end and knowing all the peace that is out there which cannot be enjoyed without your work. Knowing that you have the ability to control other people’s fate, yet cannot breathe a word about it until you hit your grave.

I also especially love the love story between him and Joan Elisabeth. I thought it was just a cheesy love story added in a subplot, but turns out it’s a true story too! My favourite scene was when Alan proposed to her hahha. And the last scene when she was comforting him really broke my heart.

“Sometimes its the very people who no one imagines anything of who do the things no one can imagine.”


Patrick Melrose Review


Hi guys! Haven’t been chatting in this space for quite some time now. I’m finally done with the semester and assignments, and I’ve had the time to just catch up with some books and movies! I just plan to spend this weekend chilling. My newfound love to films and fiction material is crazy. More to getting drunk in books and movies, haha.

Enough about personal life!

I just want to talk about a TV series I’ve just finished today. It’s a TV series about a dark show skewering the drug-addled, abusive upper classes. Patrick Melrose is a 5-episode TV series played by Benedict Cumberbatch, which is just about a man seeking journey from brokenness to redemption.

It starts off featuring the main character, Patrick, who grows up with the horrors of a twisted, abusive father and an alcoholic mother who seems powerless and isn’t there to help him at times. To put it simply, it is really just a heart-wrenching story about what the implications of a broken home does to a child. A child haunted by his past. The poison dripping down from generation to generation. To see how these things can crush a child and affect his growth is almost unbearable to watch. I’m not usually a fan of childhood trauma storylines, but I got into this one because Benedict Cumberbatch plays the grown-up, damaged Patrick Melrose, 5/5 stars with fucking amazing acting. The hallucinations, the seizures from drug withdrawals, the sudden bursts of anger….it was so amazing that I was angry the series was so short, why are Benedict’s dramas always so short??!??!

The first two episodes I watched last month, in the middle of my school’s hell week period, and ugh, the themes were really dark and heavy. Drugs, alcohol, sexual abuse, infidelity, drinking, smoking…the amount of cigs Cumberbatch smoked in the series is enough to give him lung cancer man. He swears every 5 minutes too. The amount of immorality there is astonishing, the brokenness apparent, but yet this series managed a good balance between light-heartedness and heaviness. I don’t know how they did it, but they managed to sneak a dose of wit and humour beneath the dark themes to make it somehow bearable for the audience. Even though there are sexual abuse and stuff, it’s implied, but not shown with actual explicit, graphic scenes, so don’t worry. But even so, the storyline alone is enough to make it horrifying to watch.

I think it’s so powerful because it’s a story about a man living in his past, and in order to walk out of his past, no one can help him except himself. I especially enjoy stories about good character development so I would say this is a top pick. Patrick was trying very hard and seeking some sort of salvation, and his recovering journey is just so accurately portrayed.

“Sometimes, those who deserve the most blame also deserve the most compassion.”

Besides talking about brokenness and redemption, it also talks about forgiveness and compassion. To forgive is to let go of his past. There are a lot of funeral scenes in the show, haha, and this tingling feeling of seeking…closure. The end of a chapter. Beginning of a new one. Things like that, all done in 5 episodes.

“poison dripping down from generation to generation”— to see Patrick treat his children poorly because of his own brokenness passed on from his dad, is quite crazy to watch because of the highly personal experience for me. The broken husband, shouting and nagging wife, and deeply troubled children. Child overhears the mum shouting at the dad, exposing all his dad’s faults, which leads to an utter disrespect and despise for the dad.

I don’t really wish to air any family dirty laundry here on my blog but I grew up in this type of family: where my mum constantly points out my dad’s flaws in front of me by shouting and nagging. I never consciously knew it had such an effect on me until I started watching Patrick Melrose. All too familiar, that I found my mum such a turn-off that I promised myself I would never take on the role of a shouting or nagging wife when I grow up. I wouldn’t say I disrespect my dad, I will still honour him and respect him, but I admit it was pretty hard looking up to him as a father figure with awe and admiration. I had wanted more than anything to be a daddy’s girl.


Not to mention the amazing cinematography and the colours used! Goshhh I love the aesthetics. Cumberbatch also got a few sex scenes in this show! He usually plays asexual, highly intellectual, gay, arrogant characters so this is a bit different hhahha.



On the fly

The time when Grace first told Godfrey she is moving again.

“You’ve got your assignments, then you’ve got your internship, then you still need to find a house? That’s a lot on your plate right now. You’re always on the fly!” with that, he also said something along the lines of “you’re so unfortunate”, implying that it is really undesirable to be in her current situation, having the move again and again and again.

Now Grace was trying to stay optimistic, and moving forward slowly but surely. Godfrey is just being annoying.

“A lot on your plate” is a term used to describe a situation where a person has a lot of things to manage at the same time and is therefore likely to be overwhelmed by all these issues.

Now as Godfrey drove and Grace sat in the passenger seat of the car, she thought, “never mind Exchange program arrangements,” because Godfrey didn’t even add it to his list yet. The comment was discouraging, but it pointed out something—she never realized she had a lot on her plate until now, and she wondered how is she going to survive the lot on her plate.

Maybe you could gobble it up, you say?

No, knowing you’re sad VS. somebody actually pointing out you are sad is a completely different thing. So, knowing you have a lot on your plate VS. somebody pointing out you have a lot on your plate is a different thing.

It’s a different thing to be told, to verbalise those words.

Mind Palace

It has recently come to my realization that to my mind, blogging is like going to the mental gym. It has become a necessity. As long as things and events accumulated over time, I felt the increasing pressure to quickly document it before I forget them. This week was definitely one of them.

What a hectic week. It wasn’t just outwardly hectic- moving house, falling down and getting crutches, falling in love with BBC Sherlock, unboxing Zaf’s parcel + a huge surprise….it was also emotionally busy- lots of thoughts, buzzing in and out of my mind. They come and go as they like. Sometimes I catch them down on paper, well, sometimes they leave.

1. Moving Out

So…I might have briefly mentioned that I was moving out. Truth is yes I did! Last week. Can you believe I have been staying at my new place for almost a week now…time flies…

It was a Monday after class. I packed just the day before, super last minute behaviour ugh. Godfrey took the time out to help me move in the afternoon. Bless him, because I had 3 pieces of luggage, 1 duffel bag, 1 box, 1 backpacking bag, and 3-4 other small bags + 1 laptop case. Don’t know how I would manage if I have no friends with a car hahaha. Special shoutout to him. Especially he’s very annoying in the whole car ride hahaha. That’s not to say I’m not thankful though!

Here are some pictures of my beautiful place!

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I love my room. It has a large bed, large window, huge desk, and best of all, a wardrobe. You may think: these things are pretty basic, aren’t they? Truth is, I didn’t have these things at my previous place! I don’t have a window, don’t have a wardrobe, and my table’s pretty small. Most importantly, heaters are provided at my new place and it’s included in the bills. Yay. I’m a person who’s really afraid of the cold, so I’m going to die if they don’t give me heaters. It is a need. I think my favourite thing about my room is that it is very cosy, it feels like home. I don’t need a big room but I need it to feel like a lovely place for me to retreat back after long and tiring days.

Even bedsheets are provided!



The Hallway.

So currently there are 5 housemates (including me) living in the house. I live on the 2nd floor. 2 of my housemates live in the back building (it’s something like a granny flat) and the house is SUPER HUGE. It’s even bigger than my previous place at Johnson street! It has two kitchens, two dining areas, a huge pool table (yes) and even a fireplace. A fireplace! How cool is that hahha. It’s my first time living in a house with a fireplace so pardon me if I get too excited.


The living area. With a fireplace.

Oh yes, I live with my landlord. They’re Aussie, really pleasant, welcoming folk. They have been doing this renting business for 12 years, and while showing me around the house, led me to a huge world map stuck on one of the kitchen glass doors. “These are the countries our tenants have came from over the past years,” I looked up. Numerous countries were marked with colored, post-it notes. “We’ve had one Singaporean once, but that was many years ago.” I was amazed.


The tabbed world map.

Funnily enough, one of the things Sarah pointed out after we visited the house was, “I think they’ll take care of you.”

(further recounts will be provided later to illustrate this point)

Yeah. I thought that if they can be bothered to put up things like tabbing the countries on a world map, it shows that they are very much involved in the lives and well-being of their tenants. I guess they just want it to be a home away from home. They even allowed me to use the common areas, something which mum never lets our tenants do back home (oops busted).


Level 2 common area.


My housemates are all females, from China, Bangladesh, and Jamaica. I’m glad they’re all females because sharing toilets won’t be an issue then. (I mean, not sexist or whatever). At first, I was really worried if they’ll be nice to me, and if we’ll get along just fine. I still think it’s too early to say, but after a week of interaction with them, I am pretty sure they are decent people. Just…no more house drama please…in my previous house there was so. much. drama. But oh wells it’s a story for another time.


Before moving in, I guess my main concerns would be the dark road I have to walk to get home, getting along with my housemates and the fact that my house is not close to any station at all. However, after I moved in, not only I found most of my fears to be invalid, but that the road I have to walk home isn’t even that dark at all! My housemates are nice, and even though my house is not close to my station, the train stations are closing down anyway, and I’m so glad my bus stop is just about 2-3 mins away from my house. For lazy people like me, it is great to keep walking to a minimum. I will be thankful when I am carrying heavy groceries.

I guess why I am so afraid and conscious of dark roads is because my first house in Epping was dark, hilly, and long. I have to walk about 20 minutes, up the hill, in the darkness and cold during winter, with my hunger and heavy groceries. NEVER AGAIN. hahaha. Another favourite of my house is the flexible lease period – we can leave anytime, and we’ll just have to inform our landlord two weeks before. That is great because I tend to feel pressurized by the long-ass lease.


I spent about two days unpacking. It was only until a few days later that I realized I had left my penguin soft toy and frozen foodstuffs back at my old place. And I left my SugarBearhair vitamins in Godfrey’s car. What a forgetful loser I am hahaha….

Oh I also went to explore the neighborhood on the first day I moved in! So spontaneous hahaha. I have not even finished unpacking when I left the house. Usually, I won’t leave until I finished putting everything in its rightful place. To be honest, it was because I was too lazy to cook, so I texted Sarah and we went out for dinner together at a mall nearby. Won’t say which mall for privacy purposes but I have moved nearer to Sarah now! The mall was soooooo pretty omg. I honestly prefer that compared to macquarie centre. Even though it’s slightly smaller, but it’s still so pretty (but they don’t sell cheap food sobs). We just ate, walked around the mall and talked. That was really a lovely day, and the weather was great too. Really cold.


Dining area.

On my way back I boarded the bus and was the only person on the bus. The driver started talking to me, who thought I was American because of my slightly turned perfect-English accent. And this is not faking an accent, this is called speaking in a way that is actually understandable compared to embarrassing Singlish. I just found it so hilarious as to why he thought it sounded American. Someone needs to enlighten me please.

I still alighted at the wrong stop, and walked for 15 mins home instead of 5. Ugh. So annoying. The weather was so cold and I was carrying my groceries. Then, the following day, I visited the mall again and blew $50 on groceries. Kill me pls. I thought I had bought everything the night before…


We have two kitchens can you believe it. This is the kitchen that I use and share with the landlady.


Then this is the 2nd kitchen at the back of the house, where other 4 of my housemates share. Don’t know if I should be happy or sad because I get a kitchen all to myself, or feel pressurised having to share it with my landlady.

Anyway. I am very thankful to God for giving me this place to stay. It is an answered prayer- I prayed relentlessly for this. I have visited about 5 houses beforehand but none of them really appealed to me. All the houses that I saw were either really dirty, or I’ll have to share the room with someone else…to illustrate my point I decided to show you some pictures of the dirty houses. (yes there were more than one)

Yellowed pillows…hoards of stuff piling up…and worst of all, to Sarah and my horror we saw dead flies on the kitchen table…are the landlords even aware that their place is so dirty?

Then there was this place I had no issues with and I really loved, but they had a minimum stay period of 6 months and no heaters. That landlord was so expressionless when I visited, I can’t read her.

Honestly, I don’t mind sharing a room with someone else but I have never done that in my whole life before and I don’t know how well I’ll react to having my personal space taken away from me. I visited Nadia’s and I really love her room, but the rent is above my budget, so oh well. Yin Mei’s place was nice, only if I hadn’t had to walk that far. Yin Mei loves walking so it’s not an issue for her.


Living area. They have a huge pool table.

All in all, I think the experience of searching for a house was really tedious but super interesting as in I got to learn and ask a lot of stuff. Here are a few tips I’ve compiled for anyone needs it + questions that you should ask your landlord before moving in! Hope this helps anyone out there in the same situation as me:)

-are bills / wifi included in the rent?
-who is currently living there? Can you tell me a bit about them? (Gender, nationality, occupation, etc)
-Are heaters allowed?
-Transport options: is the bus / train frequent? Is the location convenient?
(assess: do you have to walk far to the station? How far do you have to walk? Is the road hilly or dark? (safety reasons) Are you okay with it?)
-what is the minimum lease period?
-how much is the bond?
-is rent paid in cash or card? Do I pay it weekly/fortnightly/monthly?
-Is the bathroom shared? If yes, between how many people?
-are things like bedsheets/pots and pans/dishes provided?
-Am I living with the landlord? Is the house bought or is the landlord a lease holder?
-do you have kids? do you have pets living in the house?

Also, it might be good to observe the environment and assess: is the house clean? Talk to other tenants already living there and ask for their experience. Chances are they’ll say nice things about living in the house cos they don’t want to offend but you can sort of deduce how passionate are they about the house from their answers.


Johnson street, you’ll be dearly missed.

2. Unboxing Surprise


So before I moved I called out for a live video at about 3-4pm that documents my big move + unboxing video of a parcel Zaf gave me. I received a parcel from Zaf about a week ago prior my move and didn’t really want to open it because I thought it’ll be more convenient to move it together with the rest of my stuff.


Was so touched when I received it in the morning, it made my whole day! She had asked for my address a few weeks back but I kinda forgot about it so when the postman knocked at my door that morning and suddenly outside my doorstep sits such a huge parcel…well, it caught me by surprise. It even says $97 on the outside like wtf why did Zaf even spend so much money on me…..I don’t deserve this

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I was pretty shocked even though I have been skyping Zaf lately. Why would she spend so much??? Boyfriends don’t even spend that much!!! I knew there were dry food, a plastic tumbler, and paper cards inside because the package said so on the outside. I was more or less prepared and expected to see what I should see.

So, on that day, I took to Instagram to ‘unbox’ and uncovered various gems—such as the bak kut teh pre-mix and salted egg seasoning…yums! Got super excited on live and it was very fun!! Even though I already more or less expected what to see, I am still very excited and my heart warms at each mini ‘surprise’, as various local delicacies pop up and I suddenly feel so happy…one by one I took out the foodstuffs, including the plastic tumbler, which is from Starbucks!!

But I was so wrong…….so wrong………

I did not expect to see what I am about to tell you.

After I unwrapped almost everything and the box was almost empty, I reached into the box to grab out a handful of cards…

…that’s when I realized those cards…are not written by the same person. They look like they’re written by different people.

No WAY!! No way.

That’s when my friends who were watching the live at that time began commenting “DO YOU LOVE US” “CRY CRY CRY” and began to laugh and I began to bury my face in my hands, that’s when I realised I have been fooled, the present is a combined effort from all of my poly friends.

Sobs…I do not deserve this.

Here’s the gifts! I was going through a tough time in April when I received this parcel. Unwrapping all these just made me feel so loved, thank you.

PS/ I tried to salvage my whole Instagram live but couldn’t. I managed to salvage bits and put it together, but all the comments are gone, it’s just the video, a very jumpy and bumpy video with glitches that made me look like I’m having spasms hahhaa. So these screenshots are all I’ve got 😦 I swear my reaction + the part my friends were commenting telling me it’s from them is so funny hahhaa.

3. Autumn

I think one thing about living in a four seasons country is that it makes you more aware of the passage of time.


The weather is beginning to take a turn this week. It’s getting colder. This is my first autumn in Australia. The trees surrounding the walkway in my uni has turned to a yellow, golden colour. They are no longer evergreen. Yesterday, there was a big breeze that sent lots of leaves flying to the ground. Walking on them seems therapeutic.

I have a love-hate relationship with the cold weather because it’s when I get to wear my favourite black coat, but at the same time, I am so afraid of the cold. The first few nights of moving into my new house I couldn’t sleep because the cold was coming in through my huge window.



This was a sunset near my old neighbourhood. Beautiful isn’t it. My newfound love for nature came early this year. I found that nature calms me down and it’s a reminder of God’s beautiful creation for us. I always feel the magnificence when I stare at the sky or something.

4. Scholars' Reception

Attended a scholars’ reception on Thursday. Very funny, because I went alone, and bumped into 3-4 friends there. Sooooo coincidental ahhahaha. Everyone said they came for the food lol. I didn’t even know dinner was served, and certainly didn’t even know that they were scholarship recipients either. My scholarship award is presented to the top 1% of the elites in my uni, I’m less concerned with receiving the award but more concerned about making my parents proud. So excited to show them the certificate afterward hahhaa.


So many people!!



They also had a really beautiful dessert table. So many important people were there, the academic advisors, Macquarie International staff members…was just mingling, networking and talking the whole night. Was very glad my mood was good that day, if not, I wouldn’t be bothered to socialise hahaha.

The food was good, even though I went home and was hungry again. Took a few pictures with the Arts faculty, took my certificate and gift pack and left happily for home afterward. I was still adjusting to my new house, and with my newfound interest in BBC Sherlock, I am happy.

5. Ankle Sprain

Yeah so I fell down again. And that was not long ago, just a few days ago on Friday. I was on my way to work when I tripped and fell on the pavement. I don’t even know why or how I fell, I wasn’t running, and my high heels weren’t particularly high. My right knee was bleeding, sharp pain in my left ankle. I couldn’t stand up, couldn’t stand up at all. It was getting embarrassing sitting on the ground for a full 5 minutes so I struggled to get up- I didn’t want to attract any attention. It was embarrassing. But the pain was so excruciating it wouldn’t allow me to stand. By the time I almost thought I was going to manage it was too late. “Are you alright?” a woman got out of her car and hollered at me from a distance.

I can only whimper in pain. I don’t know, shouting back seems really weird hahahaha. Then she came over. “Are you alright?” she asked again. I told her I had fell, “I think I have sprained my ankle.” Then another jogger came and stopped in concern. Then my housemate came out, and she was so surprised to see me sitting on the ground hahahha. After some time I managed to stand up, and the woman (the first one who got out of her car) offered to drive me home.

She was late for work, but she drove me home.

I was just saying a few days back that when we are living overseas, we are put in the craziest situations that allows us to extend such kindness and also receive such kindness. The pain was getting to me then, but thinking back, I am so grateful. “You can hold onto me if you want,” she said. I held her arm. She saw me to my doorstep. She gave her name before she left, but me being me, I’m so bad at names I forgot it. Today, as I was walking to school, a car honked at me. I looked to my left. It was her, waving! I waved back. I just think back on her act of kindness and I feel so, so good. Like it sets the tone of my day- positivity, gratitude and it made me believe there is some good in this world.

I skyped Janessa that day before I moved. She asked me about how is it like living alone. “When you’re living alone you have the craziest situations allow you to be tested for your kindness.” she said. “A lot of times in Singapore we are very sheltered, and we don’t really have the opportunity to render help to others or to receive it in return.” Well, if this is what kindness feels like, I really love experiencing this beautiful side of humanity.

Anyway, I didn’t turn up for work that day. Went to the clinic instead, and we went back to the same clinic I got my flu jab from one week ago. I was so. terrified. The flu jab I got was done by a nurse with very bad service. She seemed like all she wanted was to get her job over with quickly and jammed the needle into my arm which resulted in my most painful vaccine till date. Idk, usually nurses that does my vaccines would be really warm and reassuring but this nurse was just COLD and rushing everything through. After she’s done, she was like, “Ya, you can go now.” as if she was so keen to get rid of me omg. Didn’t even open the heavy door for me even though my arm was clearly hurting. I was supposed to wait in the waiting room afterward, but she didn’t even say something like, “Please wait in the waiting room, turn left and walk straight.” It’s my first time here, how am I supposed to know how to get around?? Nothing, just a sentence that screams bye very loudly. Tbh I almost cried at how bad the service was that day. Please, don’t you realise how you treat people can make or break their day….

On I went, my thought process interupted. This time’s service was better though, I got served by a female doctor who’s seriously so funny, caring and nice. She spoke in a loud, assertive voice, but also personal and real. We joked and I showed her my ‘battle scars’ from last semester and told her I’m so prone to injuries and she laughed, “Oh my god, Grace!” She insisted that I needed crutches, and sent me for X-ray. Gosh I had to navigate through the whole shopping center to go from the clinic to the X-ray center…in crutches. It’s so embarrassing hahaha, because I was clearly struggling (first-timer here). At least two passer-bys came up to me and asked, “Sweetie are you okay? Do you need me to carry you?” HAHAHHA some people even cracked jokes like this pssh…it was so cute.

The funniest thing is, by the time I got home and iced my ankle, I didn’t need crutches to walk anymore. My ankle was much better the next day, the next and the next. And the clinic forced me to spend $50 on crutches hais. “You’ll need it!!” my doctor said. They even wanted me to go for physio, which I politely turned down because of the scary costs that were not covered by insurance. (are you kidding me?) So here am I, complaining why do I have to fall and spend money again zzzz.


The other side of me was happy. Hell yeah, because it means I can stay at home and not go to work. I was really reluctant to go to work that day because I just had so many things to do at home. Which is watch a Marvel movie hahaha. I was planning to watch Doctor Strange. But guess what, I didn’t in the end. Because who procrastinates watching a movie? Me…

I’m kidding, I had a lot of assignments.

But by the time I got home, there was hardly any time left. It was past noon, and the clinic made me wait so long until my hunger was bothering me more than my injured ankle.

PS. Also, when I went home, I took a closer look at my X-ray scans and realized it looks beautiful. Like a work of art. My friends think I’m mad, but it’s because I never really got to keep my own X-ray scans before.

6. Mother's Day

I was going to share a long caption on Instagram on Mother’s Day…in the end, I just edited out bits and pieces. Here’s the original caption, uncut.

“Many times this year, loneliness always hits me when I’m living abroad and I wonder why it hasn’t hit me earlier when I first moved to Sydney last year. Maybe I was too excited. Maybe loneliness isn’t a place, it isn’t the absence of people, it’s a state of mind. Yes, wonderful opportunity studying overseas, yes internship opportunities, yes traveling, but saying yes to all these also means saying yes to moving house thrice, yes to cook wash clean up buy groceries by yourself, yes to walking home by yourself in the cold. Yes to picking yourself up when you are upset because no one will take care of you if you don’t take care of yourself. I can no longer go home to piping hot meals cooked by my mum. I want someone to pick me up after work, someone to dine with me in the CBD after work, someone to tell me after a bad day that everything’s gonna be okay.

There are a lot of distractions and temptations in this world, people may stop seeing your worth, stop loving you, give up on you, but a mum doesn’t. Happy Mother’s Day.”

Ordered flowers to be delivered to my mum back home on Mother’s day. It wasn’t a last minute idea as I have always wanted to do that and thought that this is the least I could do to express my gratitude. One of my best self-improvement techniques this year is to make an effort to show love to those who love you (basically return the love) and don’t give a sh*t about people who don’t care about you. I have always been guilty of putting in too much effort for people that don’t care, and taking for granted the efforts of people who care about me too much. UGHHHHHHHHHHH just typing this out frustrates me hahaaha. Why am I made like that

So, the idea stayed in my head and I took a very long time to start executing it man….It’s so funny cos I was looking up on ‘International flower delivery’ when I realised that I can just call and order from a shop from Singapore hahaha.

The floral shop didn’t allow me to specify the exact time I wanted the flowers delivered so I could only take a bet and hope that my mum is at home (or at least someone is at home). Of course, the ideal situation would be my mum opening the door and she receiving them firsthand. On the day, they delivered it in the morning and she was out with her friends lmao…my father received it and got so excited and immediately called my mum because he couldn’t contain his excitement, which was a wrong move by the way. I was so annoyed inside. The plan was supposed to be a surprise and he just ruined it by spoiling my mum with a phone call. SERIOUSLY I WAS SO PISSED. Couldn’t he wait until my mum came home and let her see it for herself?? But of course since its a happy occasion and both of them were so happy, I didn’t say anything. Was just glad they liked it anyway, even though it didn’t go according to plan.

My mum was so happy in the end I was positive she was overreacting (as always). 😒 She actually put the flowers in the FRIDGE instead of in a VASE because she didn’t want it to die off so soon. She actually recorded a video and sent it to me to express her thanks (mum, you already called me and said thanks)….it was very sweet of her but at the same time very cringey to watch…….oh my god

Anyone who has a dysfunctional relationship with their parents please raise your hand!

7. BBC Sherlock


I really don’t want to make this post so long but here’s the last point, and the most important one. I am currently so addicted to this series. I am raving.

It all started when May and Ian, my previous landlords, loaned me their DVDs for BBC Sherlock. Ian is a film buff—I went to their place, and goodness me…shelves and shelves of DVDs of movies and TV series just towered over me…..I was amazed. I carefully took Sherlock off the shelf. “When you’re done, you can come back to loan more.” I was screaming in joy inside.

I have started on the series many years ago (probably 2015) but only managed up till season 1 before I couldn’t find the rest of it online anymore. Those I found wouldn’t stream properly, and Netflix didn’t have them either. I was aware it was a good series, and Benedict’s acting…just #wow. I was impressed then, but not charmed.

Now I am charmed.


It has been about 3 weeks since I’ve fallen in love with the series now…so much so that I couldn’t tell if I’m in love with the character or the actor 😂 Out of curiosity, I just stuck my head into the Sherlock fandom and oh……god…….my eyes……….this fandom is savage. Full of Cumberbitches, Johnlock shippers, fanfic writers (a zillion of them, flooding the net with smut and fluff), fanart, lingo such as SHERlocked, Sherlockian, Holmosexuals, or “I forgot my pants!” or the slightest mention of upturned collars and cheekbones would make Tumblr go crazy. I have now memorized the funniest and famous scenes in Sherlock, fan theories, oh god….my head is filled with all kinds of (good) rubbish now.

Oh! And John Watson, the character in the series, is an avid blogger. His blog actually exists on the internet! Hahaha. That sort of inspired me to blog more often I guess. The show linked blogging to a part of the characters’ lives, the blog was even frequently discussed in the show, which is so interesting hahaha. I am really going to blog more from now on. If John Watson enjoys this mental exercise, I really do find some joy in it too, especially when I’m seriously living by this phrase “I am alone. Alone protects me.” hahahaha.

Some of my favourites:

-“Sherlock is actually a girl’s name” means “I love you” in Sherlockian
-“I’m in shock. Look, I’ve got a blanket.”
-“I always hear punch me in the face when you speak but it’s usually sub-text.”
-“Girlfriend? No, not really my ‘area'”
-“Take my hand!”

I could go on and on and on: Mrs. Hudson is the biggest Johnlock shipper. Sherlock’s character development over the seasons is amazing and impressive. Sherlock is human. And most of all, how BBC Sherlock is full of subtext, usually subtext that screams “gay”.

If I could have a wish upon my intellect, it would be to think like how Sherlock Holmes think. Based on the 16 personalities, he is an INTP, which makes me rave even harder because I am an ENFJ, usually compatible with INTP. I had to remind myself that he is fictional. HAHAHA

I have also gone to eBay and purchased myself a Johnlock poster. Don’t ask why. Maybe I’ve just moved in and my walls are too empty.

aloof from the world

I think the best part I like about living alone is the personal space and freedom.

I’ve been spending a lot of time in deep reflection which, I believe, is critical to my development as a human being, critical to my mental health. I believed I have learned and grew in these few months faster than all my life. And I like it.

When I go back, I would have attained such a high level of self-actualization, values, and wisdom that nothing, nothing anyone says can bring me down.

It started with me noticing that the way I interact with people had been different. I am more self-aware, in control of my emotions, calmer, more reserved. Don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing, although I still can be capable of being cheeky and sassy sometimes.

One of my biggest accomplishments is that I think I have learned self-composure and to be able to divorce myself from human emotions. It’s not being apathetic, not being less compassionate. I still feel sadness and hurt and anger, but I have learned how to control them and surrender them back to God. I am no longer a slave to it anymore, they no longer control me.

Don’t know who else still reads this blog but I don’t really have friends. It’s the truth, and I like that. I do, however, have people I love, but not people who know me at my very core.

Just, bear in mind whatever I learned comes from a place of pain and an invisible storm that I still live with every day.

10am, wednesday.

writing this before class starts.

Didn’t expect to stumble upon this quote as part of my TV screenings required for school this week, but I did.

“I guess the hardest thing is having so much love for you and it somehow not being returned. I develop crushes all the time, but that is just misdirected need for you. You are a hole in my life, a black hole. Anything I place there cannot be returned. I miss you terribly. Ci vedremo lassu, angelo.”
—Holding the Man

Oh dear I am terribly impressed. What language is this, so relatable and beautiful.


30 April 2018: Very heartwarming day.

The day began with a huge surprise. Woke up to a huge parcel delivered all the way from Singapore, by dearest Zaf.

Went to school, my presentation went smoothly. Also received results from my previous assignments, with teachers’ comments saying I did really well. One of them even wanted to publish my assignment as a class example.

I am proud that I have come so far. Thinking back, when I was at crossroads, I would be a very different person if I had taken the other step in the other direction. A decision that would affect my life significantly.

After school I went to my new place to sign the contracts. I am thankful that God has blessed me with a new place as gorgeous as this but that will be a story for another time.

When I returned home, I had cooked dinner and left a huge pile of dishes to be washed and cleaned after. I was feeling tired, so I left it there at the sink and went to bathe afterwards, thinking that I would do the dishes before I sleep.

soon after my housemates and their friends came home. i dreaded that because they always made a fuss when they do. True enough, they sat at the table where I was sitting, and started playing games. They got noisier and noisier, not only disturbing my studies but I also felt terrible inside, because I was battling loneliness and homesickness. Amidst their conversations, I heard my housemate’s boyfriend mention something about the dishes. I paid no attention to it, because I felt like I was on the outside looking in.

Just after they left, I went back to the sink. All my dirty dishes were gone. Everything has been cleaned up and put into its rightful place. I guess it was my housemate’s boyfriend who did it. He’s just a guest, and yet bothered to clean my dirty dishes. A warm feeling crept up my heart, along with a piece of home.

When you’re living alone, you have the craziest situations that allows you to be tested for your kindness. You also have the smallest situations that allows you to appreciate home. Home is not a place, it may be a person, but it is definitely a feeling. Good news is, we all have the potential to give it to everyone.