Lost friends

PS. DONT jump to conclusions. This post is not meant to hurt anybody, or target anybody.

Friends. They come and go in your life. Some stay for the better and some drifted apart. (Some refuse to drift even when you want them to, haha) Some betrayed you and some comforted you. On tumblr and social networking sites we see a lot of quotes on friendship everyday. So today, I’ll be sharing my friendship stories.

One of the things I hate most & yet coincidentally experience most in of my friendships are:
You were once good friends
you tell your friend a secret
you realise you’re not her so called “friend” anymore
you guys fought/just drifted apart
& you see your friend in the corridors
 suddenly remembers that your friend knows your past secrets
Isn’t that awkward?
 But today I’m not talking about friends that betray and spill your secrets. I’m talking about lost friends. Friends who disappeared from your life for no rhyme or reason. Friends that I could have kept. Friends that I could have kept if maybe I had done something else. Friends that I could have kept if circumstances were different. Friends that I could have not drifted apart from, maybe?

Normally, when people blog or post rants on social networking sites, they like to label anonymous people as “a classmate did this to me” “once this girl“, or if you’re targeting a person, you’ll write something like “Friend A is a bastard.” or “you did this”, “she did this”, blah blah blah…

But the key thing in this post is that I wouldn’t mince words. Don’t get me wrong, this post isn’t a rant post or a hate post, its just a post of my thoughts and reflection about people that are no longer in my life. But yet I still remembered them vividly in my mind. Have you ever had a friend who’s no longer in your life, but you still think about them? Just that you AFRAID to admit it openly in social networking sites because if she sees it, it’ll be so awkward. You’ll think, “Who knows? Maybe I’m not even on her mind anymore and she has already forgotten about me, I’m so insignificant in her life.” Today I will be breaking down these barriers.

And I’m going to start putting all of these people inside…

I want to address the heart-wrenching feeling of knowing this person out there who was once your friend, and you see them interacting with other people. But they no longer play a part in your life anymore, and you watch them from afar….but you kinda wanna contact them sometimes?

Don’t you guys get this feeling? And you flashback on your memories and they all seem so surreal. Be it friendships, relationships, whatever.

This time I will not be doing the “not mentioning names” mainstream, but instead I will be mentioning the exact names of the people that have left me before. I am not doing the mainstream because I feel society has been too sick with the idea that people gossiping about people, people ranting on Twitter without mentioning names. Leaving people guessing becomes a really tedious and time consuming task that is shallow and meaningless.

“If you have a problem with me, talk to be directly, don’t be a dog barking behind my back.”
This trending sentence, no?

The only difference is that my post will be a friendly post, not a “problem with me” post. I no longer have a problem with anybody I’m going to mention. I’m posting this not to humiliate them, but to gather my thoughts about them. I have gathered a lot of courage to do this and I guarantee its not very easy to talk openly about people that are no longer close to you anymore.

Let’s start.

Flashback to primary school. There was this close friend of mine, her name was Yi Teng. I don’t know what happened but we lost contact after we separated classes. I remembered how we quarrelled sometimes but we had fun together. We were in this group called “Princess”, and she would always borrow my stationery haha. I used to get very annoyed and complained to my mum. I don’t know where is she studying or what is she doing now, nor do I know how she looked like. She was one of my best and closest lower primary friends when I was 8. Just to let you know, sometimes I do think about you.

Next up, when I was 9 I had this friend named Nicole. My impression of her was that she’s a very nice and kind girl. And by nice I mean very nice. She’s so good at gymnastics, she’ll always tell me about them. I’d call her very often after school and we’ll discuss about work. What I’ve kept in my heart for a very long time is that I owe her an apology. I remembered I called her “stupid” (stupid or dumb, I cant remember haha) once and she cried. Other classmates scolded me, saying I’m super mean. I didn’t really apologize. But I’m sorry Nicole. Just to let you know, sometimes I do think about you.

Next up. Fast forward to secondary school. I used to hang out with this girl named Ashlyn during the early days of lower sec. Around the orientation days. After that, she changed a lot and we just drifted apart. This friend intrigues me even when I was in upper secondary because I see her in school all the time and we don’t talk. She would tell me about her dog last time, tell me about how she goes on at Facebook 9pm everyday(I’m so shocked at myself I can still remember details like this?) Sometimes I wonder if I had done something else back then, talk in a certain way, behave in a certain way, look a certain way, walk a certain way, would we become friends till now? If I had maybe be more social, stayed back after school just to patrol at the 2nd floor for fun, hang out with the people from the other class, be a social butterfly, copied homework, fold my socks, fold my skirt, or even be less “retarded” or less “nerdy”, would people have stayed? And then there’s a bunch of people who are too cool for school.

Next upppp. (hahah okay this is fun) I had two close friends last time, Annalisa and Joy. I always remember them as “the 3 person clique that disbanded in the end”. Joy used to dislike me and I know that full well. Somehow in upper sec, we became okay with each other again. I know this because she asked for a picture with me after my performance at Xinthesis III and I WAS surprised. Both of us actually shared this on off on off friendship. But anyway there came upper sec and classes were disbanded and we didn’t talk again. But from how she treats her friends, I can tell she’s a nice girl. And I’m extremely honest about this. Just to let you know, sometimes I do think about you.

As for Annalisa, she’s one of the closest friend I had in lower sec. And our friendship lasted all the way until Sec 3. I remembered how we became okay again because something happened in Sec 1/2 (couldn’t remember) that causes us to fall out. And this girl….she would hang out with me. She’s a good friend. I am going to admit this. She’s one of the friends that I feel like I can be myself when I’m around her, I tell her about my crushes, my dreams, my funniest moments. She tell me about her crushes, etc. But shit happened again in the senior year and I’m really not sure of her opinion about me now, but I’m sure it isn’t anywhere near good. I just have to shake it off. But just to let you know, sometimes I do think about you.
Next up, I had this friend named Wendy. This was one of the most dramatic friendships I had in school. I don’t even know if she calls me her friend back then but I do. At least in the early years of school. The times where we were in the same Guzheng camp group, and went on the same Australia school trip together. I had a lot of crazy fun with her because she’s a crazy person to be with, breaking rules and breaking barriers and laughing and all. Then we had a MAJOR conflict. I don’t hate her now. In fact I think its childish to keep hating on a person that’s no longer even in your life. I don’t know about your stand now, Wendy, and if you still think I’m a spolit princess or a retarded chick. I just cherish all the memories when we were on good terms. But just to let you know, sometimes I do think about you.
NEXT UP…Cassandra, Elvia and Olivia. Basically three members of the “forever together” friendship clique. Sadly it was not “forever together”, I guess our group’s spirit was already disbanded long ago, its just that nobody is willing to acknowledge it. We just…lost momentum. I don’t know what happened. Nothing bad happened between us and we just….drifted apart. And Elvia is not even in Singapore now. I remember those times where we would go home together after CCA without fail, buy snacks along the way, whatspp each other so often, and remember that fun time when we went swimming together at the chalet. I would play “draw something” and “scramble” with Elvia endlessly and state how good she is at it. I would text Cassandra late into the night until she wants to sleep. I would go to morning guzheng lessons with Cassandra. But now, at least I keep in contact with Julia and Wanqi, the two other members of our friendship group. Cassandra, Olivia, Elvia: Just to let you know, sometimes I do think about you.
I don’t want to lose such friends anymore in such a meaningless way. So please, if you’re my friend now, I invite you to be forever my friend. We don’t have to be best friends. Just simple, friends.

PS/ If your name is above and you happen to be reading this, you could, I’m saying you could….be brave enough and contact me and rekindle the friendship again….well, if you want.

You could see this as an invitation, you could see this as a calling for lost friends, but some people see this post as a “funeral” for my lost friends. They are people that deserve a small portion of your heart even though they aren’t here now. These friendships of mine was never really ended properly, I just want to conclude it properly now.

I call all these people back again NOT because I’m needy for friends, but because I feel that every person I’ve met is a treasure of life, or a stepping stone to things I’ve learnt in life.

So my dear readers, if you experience these kind of relatable things before; if they come back, good. Give them something heart-warming they deserve. Well, if they don’t–I’m going to tell you they are not going to be the people that matter in your life in the end.

PPS/ Lost friends, just to let you know how I look now.

Thanks for reading! What’s your thoughts? I’ll hear them!
Email: sasameharu97@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/SasameHaru
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Blog: foosiuweigrace.blogspot.com

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