The conseqences of being Fearless

1:09 AM
Its 1:09am when I almost vomited in front of my parents.
My stomach problem is probably acting up again; the funny feeling that has been lingering on Wednesday and clinging to me like a leech; Sinming and I went for comfort food at Pasta mania, but it didn’t help bc I only ended up eating the bowl of mushroom soup while Sinming finished all the pasta. My body accepts nothing else. My appetite wasn’t good, and I honestly don’t even feel like touching food except Starbucks coffee.
Dinner, skipped.
Breakfast, Cereal.
Lunch, Cherry tomatoes.
Dinner, eaten half and told my mama I don’t feel like eating anymore rn.
I was planning to sleep, but I couldn’t bring myself to turn off the night-light because every single time I close my eyes it all comes back to my head.
Flashbacks all the way from June at Marina Barrage played faster than the speed of lighting, changing scenes even before my mind could comprehend what was actually happening.
I couldn’t afford it; so I kicked off the duvet covers, got out of bed and had to wake my mama up for food…so freaking guilty.
Yeah I wish I could control my thoughts but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to let it get into my head so much. My heart had a mind of its own and it’s always smarter than my real mind. Scratch that.
I’m a freaking irresponsible person…when I’m offered food I don’t eat, when it’s not time and I get hungry and couldn’t take it anymore I wake people up past twelve just for food. And that’s when I felt like a horrible daughter a horrible lover a horrible friend responsible for everything in the world.

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