Yesterday was my first day of school.
Regardless of the relentless ranting about not wanting school to reopen, still wanting more play, still in the holidaying mood, screwed body clock timings, emotional turmoil about having to begin the endless routine of 7ams and spend sleepless nights doing design; regardless of all these I survived. (my first day, at least)
When I talked about losing my holidays I talked about losing so much more because there’s so many things that I’ve loved to complete during the holidays but didn’t manage to. I still have unvisited cafes, unfinished part time voluntary jobs, and a whole list of movies to watch. However, there were many things completed too, like I finished savouring most cafes and movies, just that it wasn’t really complete yet.
The night before I found myself asking what I need. The last term I had quite a few stressful periods when I began to wonder what design did to me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always loved design but the sleepless lifestyle always makes me question: is this what I wanted to do in life? For the rest of it? Eat, sleep, design? What about other things I loved to do? It’s hard. The last week of school, I was not prepared at all. I was crying the night before I began school but was thankful to talk to a few friends.
On the other hand of feeling so much, I also felt the opposite. I felt driven, success hungry and I really wanted this semester to begin so that I can strive for the best and fulfill all my ambitions. For once, I wanted to do this for myself. I can’t wait to keep going, be determined because during the holidays I really had a strong & clear goal to build a awesome portfolio for myself. I was, kind of, clear headed. Part of me have the feel the momentum to move forward in my work and part of me wanted to stay to complete the list I laid for myself during the holidays.
I still remember the fresh feeling of dread waking up on the first day. When my gaze fell on my bed I realised I won’t be touching it for very often in the time to come. This thought just drains me. The last day of holidays I went cycling at Coney Island with a bunch of friends from OSIP and we celebrated Manfred’s birthday. When I got back my muscles were feeling so sore and painful that I can’t even move so I slept, but was woken up by the excruciating pain in the middle of the night 2-3 times.
What a way to begin the school day, I thought. However surprisingly as the day progresses, things were getting better and better and definitely I found it easier to adjust as compared to the first day of Sem1. I also found that the teachers gave lesser workload as compared to the first day of sem1, that was really overwhelming. (or maybe its the same, just that I’ve adapted now)
We had our first class BDS, the same module as usual. I checked my timetable. Brand communication, video and audio class, then after that French. I have French classes at night on Mondays. People have asked me if I regret taking up French. I don’t.
After BDS, our next lesson was on video and sound–where we’ll be learning about film, cinematography, videography, montages, that sort of thing. It really cool because we’ll be even touching scripts and filming in front of a green screen! He showed us the recording studio and sorts. It was kind of professional thing and all the time I was really in awe about how the teacher was talking about MTVs and the history of film. In fact I was linking everything to Hollywood. He talked about some of the famous directors and plays and movies in Hollywood and some parts of the world and I realised this was something I had in me in a very long time. As much as I have a love for design I really did not mind trying out cinematography if I had a chance. Who knows I’ll ever end up in showbiz or film. We’ll never know, haha. I could always transfer since its kind of related, this thing is one of my core modules anyway.
It has been my personal goal to not let school work consume like the last few terms did to me. I made a point to myself to work out at least once a week (so that I can be healthier) and to actually chill with friends for dinner once in a while to relieve stress, because I’m pretty sure the term will get tough.
After talking to a friend the night before school reopens, that kind of cracked me up a little bit; he really did help me see that even though the first step is always the hardest, we would never know when we would succeed even if we’re that close to giving up. Life is full of uncertainties thats for sure, after I saw how the world has endless possibilities and what we could do is to just see hope, cherish our lives and give the best in what we do. I’m really excited to see what this semester has in stall for me and I’m more than ready to break the rules (if needed–design is all about breaking rules). When I set my mind to do it, I will achieve it. I know the opportunity would come one day but I’m not going wait there to grab opportunities, I’m going to search them for myself.