Dirty Linen

I am even surprised at myself. I hadn’t been this angry for a long time.

I exited instagram immediately upon the decision to spare myself from the agony of looking at things that gives me negative vibes or affects my mood. it wasn’t the first time that 3 of them have met up without me—but I wasn’t angry because of that—I was truly appalled solely because I was totally clueless about the meet up.

I thought we were a clique. I thought we were supposed to do things together, to inform each other because it shows respect, to discuss meet ups in the group even though it didn’t involve the other person. because that very act means keeping things transparent and it would not seem like you’re isolating me on purpose. it means a lot to me. at least one of my friends from the clique actually bothered to tag and acknowledge me in their photos, which I am thankful for.

i totally understand that it is a study date, it is totally out of my league and not my cup of tea. There’s no reason for me to attend. But you see, not going to a birthday party is NOT the same as not receiving an invitation and thus, not going. There IS A DIFFERENCE.

it’s okay because I can’t make it and I won’t understand the “studying” part anyway, but at least invite me or inform me that you guys are meeting up as a form of respect or even acknowledgement that I’m still appreciated and remembered as being part of a clique together. And to further rub it in my face by posting the photos on instagram, giving me a really unexpected, unpleasant surprise, I feel that it’s insensitive really. I mean I believe they would not post the group photo on instagram with the main intention of agitating me or anything, but I felt they still could be more considerate to the feelings of others. i can be understanding, but what if it’s other people you’re dealing with…? People whom had the same thing done to them could easily misinterpret the intentions.

But to be honest, ever since we entered a different secondary school, I always knew I was cut out for a different path as compared to the 3 of them. As if me being marked out as different wasn’t difficult enough, the clique is not inclusive at all. Outings done without me are okay as I understand we are all going through different phases in our lives—and my phase just always happens to be different from the 3 of them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m cool with this. I love what I do. There’s no other industry or no other path I can envision myself pursuing. I would never regret Design School nor would I feel bad for going to poly instead of JC. I love this path, but I don’t believe in friendships like that because I place strong value in ALL of my friendships, cliques, etc.

Things like not replying to my messages repeatedly (you know who you are), making me clueless that you guys are even meeting up…your actions made me feel truly left out. And it shows you don’t care. Imagine that you’re part of a clique and you don’t even know EVERYONE in the clique is meeting except you. Each time I encounter this it kills me a little inside.

Im not sure how many of the people read this, I’m sure 3 of them definitely won’t, so it will be safe to say that I’m truly upset more than angry. I have been very tolerant, and I believe in friendships that will build me up and encourage me, not friendships that gives me hurtful feelings. So if I have to cut negative events or people out of my life, I will.

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