Es muss sein

Just then, it dawned upon me that it was your “es muss sein”, your inescapable fate. Weighed down by what the fortune teller said, doing that was not your choice, but you were weighed down by the heaviness of your very fate (or curse). And just then, I also found my “es muss sein”, an unseen force in the universe pulling me closer towards you no matter how far we are apart.

Soul and body
Tereza was a lot like me. Soul stays hidden in the depths of her bowels, quivering, waiting to be awakened. I often felt like my physical life does not reflect what my inner life and soul thinks. It’s often superficial, and my soul not given any opportunity to manifest itself in this world. We conform, and of course, Tereza’s longing was to be a body unlike other bodies, to find that the surface of her face reflected the crew of her soul charging up from below. It was not an easy task: Tereza’s soul was sad, timid and self-effacing; afraid to show itself.

When people ask me what I wanted to do after I graduate, I often find myself tongue tied even though I know precisely what my soul wants. Why is it so difficult to say, “I want to go to third world countries and help underprivileged children”? WHY? Is it because that’s not the norm? I am so frustrated with myself. Why is it so difficult for the very essence of my soul, that lay concealed in the depths of my body to show itself? They say eyes are the windows of the soul. I want people to see the soul through these windows, so why can’t I just allow it to happen?

He beckoned me in a kind voice. Just then, I felt my soul rushing up to the surface through my blood vessels and pores to show itself to him. My poetic memory records things in the most cinematic angles. Like a videotape, it runs and sets the most picture-perfect, movie set for me. Metaphors are dangerous, because the book says love begins with a metaphor; at the point when my mind presses “record” and my poetic memory runs at top speed.

*Poetic memory: a part of the mind which records everything that charms or touches us, that makes our lives beautiful.
**To ladies trying to woo men, remember: Love begins at the point when you can get your first word into his poetic memory. HAHAHHA.

Closed and opened minds

“While people are fairly young and the musical composition of their lives is still in its opening bars, they can go about writing it together and exchange motifs, but if they meet when they are older, their musical compositions are more or less complete, and every motif, every object, every word means something different to each of them.”

My fav quote. Its true. When people meet when they are older, they tend to go through many different experiences already and the way they interpret each word, place, picture or object might not be the same.

“Send him some love and light, then drop it.”

According in Kundera, there are four categories of people.
First category: people who longs for the look of the anonymous public (eg. actresses, models, singers)
Second category: people who longs for the look of many known eyes (eg. attention seekers, life of the party, the most popular person of a clique)
Third category: people who longs for the look of those whom they love (eg. me when i find myself wanting to share every single detail of my life with you, every single moment)
Fourth category: people who live in the imaginary eyes of those who are not present. They are the dreamers.

I would say I belong to the 3rd & 4th category. I would be in the 3rd category if I was given a choice, but sometimes people who are meant to be in your heart will not be in your life forever. For example, the living does not go on living. One might live life according to the wishes of his deceased father. Another might live life knowing that their lover is somewhere not there, even though they have not been physically present from the start. This is when the quote from eat pray love comes in, “Send him some love and light, then drop it.”

I have not completely grasped the whole concept of weight and lightness, of “es muss sein” and do I hope to read up more about it one day. I’ll write a more cohesive book review next time, hopefully. For now, here are my thoughts, out in the open.

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