It has been a busy week at school and I haven’t been taking care of myself. I ate irregular meals, unhealthy food…and gained a whole lot of fat on my stomach. 

I’m not worried about getting fat, I want to be fat, but not gain weight unhealthily. “Cut down on carbs” Melanie told me. 

I never want to admit doing this but today for the first time in my entire life, counted the carbs i took. I don’t want to eat too much carbs and miss out on the proteins, I haven’t been taking vegetables or meat lately firstly because 1) meals containing veg or meat are Super ex here like $15 and 2) I am too busy with my assignments I couldn’t be bother to go out of my way searching for the food I like, so I settled in Uni food which was really shitty.

The fact that I haven’t fell sick till now SURPRISED me because in Singapore, I would have a fever or stomach flu every now and then when I binge on heaty foods. (Better don’t jinx myself) but God has sustained me through this busy period and I’m thankful. I missed my Chinese herbal soup, I missed the chrysanthemum tea and stuffs my mum used to cook because it will calm my nerves, make me feel so much healthier. 

I want those so bad because I feel so unhealthy, I have been sleeping at 3am, and yet-

I cannot cry. I cannot cry.

I went to the shopping centre. Looking at all the prices of the food ($14.90, $17.90….) repulsed me. And the long queue of families and happy people in restaurants disgusted me because they make me think of my lovely family back home. I felt angry. 

Just so pissed off.

I went to the basement and grabbed the $4.90 bowl of salad. Then I gluped down my whole bowl of salad in TOP speed, thinking of all the vitamins in the veg, and while doing so my mind silently chanted the prayer “Lord sustain me” over and over again.