Today was a rough day.
Being the last day to enrol in our units, I finally made the decision to withdraw from a unit and enrol in another in place of that, then enrol again into an internship.
One of the most difficult decisions in my academic life. I had to weigh the pros and cons, it was a long and painful process which plagued me every single day, screaming at me to get it done, yet I pushed it to the back of my mind, simply because there were too many factors to consider and I simply do not have the mental capacity to do so for the past 2 weeks.
Today being the deadline, I have come face to face with it.
I have always wanted to do an internship this semester but couldn’t do so because I couldn’t meet the pre-requites. Then, I discovered that I could actually do an internship this semester by enrolling myself into a particular unit simultaneously, which will fulfill the pre-requites. But enrolling myself into that unit would mean withdrawing from one of my current units I am taking.
At two weeks into the semester, I was hesitant. It would mean that I will have 2 weeks’ worth of workload to catch up on, and not only that, 2 units worth of 2 weeks overdue workload. Plus, an internship is not an easy feat. I have only been in this country for less than a year, I can’t even talk to the locals properly without feeling awkward. Work in this country? Isn’t it a bit too early for that? I really might want to settle down first, learn more stuff before I continue.
At the same time, the advantages and benefits of getting an internship this semester seemed too appealing to ignore. I was caught in a dilemma.
- If I do an internship now, my workload for next semester would be lighter. I am doing three 300 level units next semester, not to mention they are all core units. Can you imagine adding another internship to it?
- I’ve looked through the available job listings for the internship and the opportunities seemed too good to pass up. I really wanted to try.
- I am kind of happy to be withdrawing from my current unit in order to take up the internship since I do not feel quite right there. It is a good unit, but I couldn’t place my finger on what’s wrong. I only went for one tutorial, yet I feel like I’m not really learning in that unit. I’m not very interested, the stuff that I’m doing is not really relevant so I just felt like the unit wasn’t really pushing me to my full potential. There’s just something amiss.
- Lastly, it is crucial because, at this emotional time of my life, I need to feel productive and motivated. I need something to strive for, to focus on, to distract myself.
So yeah after a few rounds of thought, I went with it. The dilemma itself just drained me…I am so so tired now but I am glad I have made my decision…
I would be lying if I said I didn’t fear what is to come. I knew I would be overwhelmed. I opened iLearn and immediately, saw the new units loaded into the system. I opened them, saw the chunks and chunks of information and lectures and readings to-do lists and presentations (kill me) and class participation (kill me, social life) and grew even fainter at the thought of me not even 1% there…………….
The price I had to pay was evident.
I mean, I think I can tackle it all and catch up on my new workload if I work really hard but I didn’t say it’s going to be easy….this daunts me. It’s so overwhelming. I was supposed to write a draft for an assignment due and submit it at a tutorial tomorrow, but I felt like all the information hit me and I don’t feel like doing anything now…..
Except calling my loved ones and telling them how much I miss them, and they whisper in my ear it’s okay, Grace, it’s okay.