I know it’s a small thing but it is just enough to make me feel good about myself tonight….
My previous test was 5/10! HAHAAHA. This time I was really determined to do well.
I have another major assignment due tomorrow, and then that’s all for the week. The past weeks has been so hectic, whenever I come back I just feel like lazing on my bed and doing nothing at all…
I don’t know what will happen to me when I actually start my internship 😅
It’s only 10.53pm now and my head is pounding, asking me to sleep already…
I have a camp coming up this weekend and I can’t wait to finally unwind. I think it’ll be held at some peaceful place some 1-2 hours drive away from the city, phew. This lifestyle drives me crazy.
The quiz was due on Friday, but I was afraid I won’t have the time to do it, that’s why I decided that I must complete it today. Rushed 3 weeks worth of lectures + readings + screenings in preparation for the quiz, till I was about at the midway mark when my brain decided not to take in any information anymore…I had about 3 readings undone and 2 screenings not watched. I was getting impatient with myself and wanted to get the quiz over and done with. Accessed the situation and thought that I was quite confident, though I don’t know all the key concepts, at least I knew where to find them. I went ahead with it, praying that God would give me at least a better grade than before.
All I wanted was a better grade than 5/10……..and I got 10/10.
Watched Braveheart on Netflix last night and it was so darn good. I hadn’t finished watching it yet (gosh its 3 hours), but this has been a war movie on my list that I should have watched but kept postponing.
Gonna reward myself now by continuing from where I left off hehe.
LIST OF MOVIES AND TV SHOWS I WANT TO WATCH
- the series of unfortunate events
- gossip girl
- once upon a time
- harry potter
- the grand Budapest hotel
- the 33
- band of brothers
- the imitation game
- sherlock holmes
- the red violin
- waking life
- requiem for a dream
- grave of the fireflies
- love actually
- in the mood for love
- into the wild
- turn off the moon
Do let me know if you have already watched any of these + what you think of them! Leave a comment below hahaha I love reading reviews.
On a side note, I have been considering going to Campus WellBeing lately to talk to a counselor. My personal problems are eating me up day by day and people have been asking me to talk to someone about it. Last month I wasn’t sure if I should seek help but this month maybe I think I should do a favour for myself.
This semester is hard. Not because it is busy or hectic, I am all along okay at managing stress, but because I carried a huge emotional burden over from Singapore to Sydney. A burden that, would probably affect my entire life. People might not see it that way, but I very well know how I see it. Because of the weight of my hectic school work, commitments in the Singapore Association Committee, and internship; the demands made of me while I am in poor mental health condition is crazy. A dull, routine lifestyle, which caused me to question everything and the meaninglessness of it all.
I am not numbing myself, I am learning to work despite the pain, I am learning to function, to pick myself up and cook, clean, buy groceries, smile, socialise, participate in class, and take care of myself despite the darkness that envelopes my thoughts the minute I am not focusing on something else.
Because if you’re overseas, nobody will take care of you if you don’t. You cannot afford to curl up in bed all day eating comfort food. You cannot afford to not cook because you will starve. You cannot afford to not go to school because your parents fork out money that is thrice the amount of your peers’ school fees back home.
In the past, I would curl up in bed and cry. I would crumble and space out, I had forgotten things.I can’t concentrate in class. I can’t do my work, nothing goes into my brain.
I still forget things now. I still space out sometimes but less often. But I am showing effort in my work and class. I am doing this for myself and those who love me. My grades are improving. I keep on fighting.
I am making progress.